"I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love."

Is this the beginning of the end?

Dear 10 year old self

It’s really weird to think about me when I was like 10 years old. And how when I thought about myself in the future, being 23, I thought I would have all my shit together. I thought I’d have the perfect job (or at least know exactly what I wanted to do), that I’d have enough money to not have to worry much, that I’d probably be married or engaged. HAHA 10 year old self! JOKES ON YOU! You have NONE of these. I’m not meaning this as a pity me post. I just go to work every Monday reflecting on my life, and realizing just how different it is than I thought it’d be. And don’t get me wrong, I know I’m blessed. And I know there are A LOT of 23 year olds that have no clue what they’re doing. I just didn’t think I’d be one of them. And it’s even weirder, that the friends around me seem to have the life I thought I’d have. And I know all of the advice that people will want to give me after reading this - “there’s still time,” “you can change your future just go out and do what you want to do,” “you have control” - but I don’t need it. I know all of these things. I’m just surprised and a little depressed and disappointed in myself. But I know I’ll be ok.

The world and what it’s become.

I recently read a blog post about how terrifying the world is these days. And I decided to write one of my own.

It seriously amazes me how I wake up in a world full of hatred, rudeness, and plain evil. And it scares me how much these things increase daily. I am seriously so afraid to raise a kid in this world, let alone raise a kid 5-10 years from now.

After the gunman (I don’t even think he deserves to be called by his name) took down that movie theater, I really took a step back and realized how evil people can be. I mean, obviously I’ve had this thought before. I’ve got a couple people in my life right now (not by choice), who I would put under this category in a different way, but it chills me to my very core. It terrifies me that there are people out there, who can cause such devastation and ruin, and be proud of it. I am shocked that there are people out there who are so selfish that they don’t care at all how it affects another person.

I like to pride myself on being a compassionate person. I can usually empathize with people I don’t even know in a situation that I’ve never been placed in. God has blessed (and somewhat cursed) me with a HUGE heart. I’m the girl who bawls her eyes out while watching the contestants on The Biggest Loser talk about their hardships. I’m the girl who can’t even handle reading about someone’s mom dying of cancer. I’m even the girl who actually feels a little bad about killing a spider (yes, a spider) in her own home. So for me to meet and hear about people who have no problem ruining someone else’s life, it baffles me.

I’ve always been someone who puts other people first. Sometimes a little too much. But I truly believe God put this trait in me for a reason. And I don’t think it would hurt if the world had a little more of this trait. Can you imagine a world where other people actually CARE about what complete strangers are going through? We always ask people, “How are you?” and of course people reply with, “fine,” “doing well,” or “OK.” But what if we actually answered that question truthfully. You know that people wouldn’t know what to do if I answered that question, “I’m actually having a really bad day. I’m struggling with a lot. Could you pray for me?” They don’t care! Or should I say, most people don’t care. I mean even I wouldn’t really know what to do if someone answered honestly and shared a little “too much” with me. It’s what the world has taught me. I even think growing up in the kind of world we live in has hardened me a lot. I have noticed I’ve started to care less and not be as empathetic as I used to be.

All in all, I really think the world needs more love. And I understand that not everyone believe in God, or knows how to believe in God, but I can say that He has done some amazing things for me. And even though I’ve had my doubts, I know that He makes me a better person. He teaches me how to live kindly in a not so kind world.


So I asked a friend just now why I’m so terrified of applying for jobs. And he pretty much nailed the reason on the head. He said, “You’re not very confident in your career choices. And working for you sisters husband is safe. You like safe.” I don’t think I could put it any better than that. I do like safe. I like comfortable. I’m not a big risk taker. I hate the unknown. and honestly, I do hate that about myself. And I know I could probably easily change that about myself. Just start taking risks and trusting that I will end up where I need to be. BUT of course, to me, it’s not that easy. But it should be easy. So I’ve come across a few job opportunities I’m considering applying for (that I probably should just apply for because it can’t hurt right?). One is to take care of two year olds on UT campus. Another is to assist in teaching two year olds at Children’s Courtyard, and the final one is assisting with teaching special ed in an AISD elementary school. I’m not really sure I meet all the requirements but I know sometimes they will substitute out those things if I have enough education. And the only other problem is I’m not sure they pay enough. BUT I can always decide not to take the job when it doesn’t pay enough. right?! AHHH. I’m such a panzy. I need thicker skin.

N’s Birthday Weekend

This past Saturday N turned the big 29. It was a fun-filled weekend. That definitely ended on a lazy Sunday. So here’s a play by play of the weekend:

On Friday night, we went out to celebrate N’s dad’s birthday at Hill Country Pasta House. It was a really great time filled with wine, good food, and yummy dessert. Here’s a pic of all of the beautiful ladies with the birthday boy Mr. Kilby.

Little C had a good time

and definitely got to eat a lot of dessert.

and helped blow out daddy’s candles (they also celebrated N’s birthday)

and here’s the group at the dinner table.

Then on Saturday (N’s birthday), I decided to make N (and Little C) some homemade stuffed French Toast. And I have to say, it was one of the better things I’ve made and it’s pretty simple. So here is the recipe:


  • 1 loaf French Bread
  • 3 Tablespoons Any Flavor Fruit Spread (You Can Also Use Jelly, Jam, Or Fresh Fruit)
  • ½ packages Cream Cheese (4 Oz), At Room Temperature
  • 2 whole Eggs
  • 1 Tablespoon Cinnamon
  • ½ cups Skim Milk
  • 2 Tablespoons Butter

Heat skillet or electric griddle to 325 to 350 degrees.

Cut french bread into 2-3 inch wide slices. Then, with a paring knife, go back and cut halfway into each slice, in the center, creating a ‘pocket’ that your fruit mixture can be stuffed into.

In a bowl, place the room temperature cream cheese and three tablespoons of fruit spread of your choice. (I used Strawberry and added fresh Strawberries that had sat in some sugar) Combine well.

In a separate bowl, break 2 eggs; add cinnamon and milk and combine well.

Now, take fruit mixture and stuff into the ‘pockets’ of your french bread slices. (the picture doesn’t include the fresh strawberries - I added those after I took the pic)

When done stuffing each piece of bread, completely coat each piece in egg mixture. Make sure all sides are covered. Do all pieces before starting to fry.

Put 2 tbsp (you can use less!) of butter into a hot skillet and melt completely. Add all of the bread to the skillet and cook roughly about 3-6 minutes on each side, until it reaches a nice golden brown. You want to make sure the cream cheese mixture heats through.

When done cooking, serve immediately with butter and syrup (I didn’t eat mine with anything added on top except for some powdered sugar and some more of those macerated strawberries - N however said he liked it even better with syrup. because, I mean, you might as well eat more sugar. But it’s definitely sweet without syrup as well)

I served it with some nice salty, crispy bacon.

Hope you enjoy if you decide to make this!

Little C enjoyed it.

And I THINK N enjoyed it, too.

I then made a homemade carrot cake birthday cake for N. I didn’t take step by step pictures for this. But here’s the recipe and a picture of the finished product for those interested.

  • Carrot Cake: 2 cups all purpose flour
    2 tsp. baking soda
    2 tsp. baking powder
    1/2 tsp. salt
    3 tsp. ground cinnamon
    1/2 tsp. nutmeg
    4 eggs
    1 1/4 cups oil
    1 cup granulated white sugar
    1 cup packed brown sugar
    2 tsp. vanilla
    3 cups grated carrots
    1 cup nuts (pecans or walnuts) optional - I didn’t use nuts
    1 cup raisins (optional) - and I hate raisins
  • Cream Cheese Frosting: 8 ounces cream cheese, softened
    1/2 cup butter, softened
    2 cups confectioners’ sugar
    1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  1. Preheat oven to 325°F. Prepare two 9” pans or one 12” cake pan or one 9”x 13” sheet pan by lining with parchment or wax paper.
  2. Mix together in a bowl together flour,baking soda, baking powder, salt, cinnamon and nutmeg.
  3. In a bigger bowl, whisk together eggs, oil, sugars, and vanilla for about minute or so.
  4. Add the dry ingredients to the wet mixture and mix for about 2 minutes more.
  5. Add the grated carrots. Then add nuts and raisins if desired.
  6. Pour batter in prepared cake pans and bake for approx. 45 to 50 minutes. Test for doneness by inserting a skewer, it should be dry when taken out. Cool then fill and frost with cream cheese frosting.
  7. To make the cream cheese frosting: a bowl beat together cream cheese and butter until creamy. Add in icing sugar and beat for a minute. Add vanilla. Scrape down the sides of the bowl and beat for another minute.
Here is N lighting his own birthday cake. And let’s just take a minute to talk about how hot my boyfriend is.

Next up, we spent the day with Little C, and went to a pool party of a friend of N’s that lives down the street, who has a little girl of her own. Then we got back to his place and got ready for the evening. We went to Asti for dinner with a big group of people. And it was a pre-set meal. With a bunch of courses. And it was the SLOWEST dinner I’ve ever sat through. But it was pretty good food. I took a pic of the three meat dishes.

Skirt Steak



Overall it was a really good night. That lead to a REALLY lazy Sunday. Honestly, the only regret I have is that we have ZERO pictures of me and him…super bummed.

So happy 29th birthday to my guy. And I hope he felt loved all weekend. Here’s to, hopefully, a really good year for him. He deserves it.